marriage

i did it. i'm married.

engaged

I'm getting married!

i wish i could

i want to hug my big sister

i want to play with aidan

i want to laugh at sarah beth

i want to drink coffee with josh and craft with kelly

i want my mom to scratch my back

i want my dad to teach us something bc he loves it

i want to hear vernon laugh at something ridiculous i or sarah-bizzle does

i want to watch twigs clean her room and then watch some crappy (but amazing) movie with b

i want to kiss my boyfriend

i want to drop by the house where jenna and kate and jenn are and find random people i know and lots of new faces that i hug because i can

i want to have a clove and coffee with alecia

i want to have dinner and discussions and arguments with john and shawn and then play mario kart

i want to hear blanco play music

i want to lay out with the quin and then play fing-o

i want to hug jess stephens

i want to sit on karen morgan's desk

i want to laugh at liz's awkwardness before we go dance the night away

i want to watch the soup and drink wine with jans and sarah b and end up dreaming about something big

i want to sit at jess grose's house after the farmer's market and talk the day away

i want to go to midnight mass with c-bell and hug her

i want to dance with roby - lawn mower-style

i want to shake my head at the jew and hear his passion for something and look at wedding stuff hester has picked out

i want to meet the new addition to the horton family and the soto family

i want to visit and laugh to the point of tears with court and jules and kate

i want to see caroline and misha's new home and life

i want to spend the night with josh and ashole

i want to rub mist's prego belly and giggle

i want to meet ben's family and be friends with his friends

i want to go to the beach and to a gator game 

there are lots of things i want and lots of people i miss terribly. being at the rescue just made me frustrated that i don't speak the language well enough to go talk to the groups of people writing letters. i hated not being able to help them write and think and ask them why they were there and what they would do with their new knowledge. how would this movement carry on for them personally? i wanted to help tyna organize it and take some of the burden off of her. i couldn't. bean and i both hated the feeling. that event combined with the fact that i had real-life ben for 10 days culminated into a booming and unsatisfied desire of home. i miss all of it. and i miss it a lot. there hasn't been many times when i have missed it this intensely. but the past couple of weeks, i feel bored, lonely, sad, weak. i'm trying to embrace the emotion a little - because at least it means i feel. 

but i'm also pissed. 

because in approximately 3 months, i won't be able to miss those things - i will be back in america and surrounded by all of them. and then i will miss the streets of ostrava, the vibrant colors of spring, the kids talking on trams "pristi zastavka, marianske namesti", my students, my community here, being able to tune out 80% of the world, because simply, i don't understand what people are saying. i will miss .5 liter radegast and chocolate, i will miss laura's humor and jonna's ridiculousness. i will miss ashley's kindness and luke's gentleness. i will miss nathan and lucie's constant desire to help us and hospitality. i will miss adam's dreams and zuzka's smile. i will miss monday catch-up convos with eva and i will miss monday's pub class to an extreme degree. i will miss english club and wednesdays with petra. i will miss trains and trams. i will miss prague. i will miss the weird family which is ESI. i will miss the amazing dinners i share each monday with the girls. i will miss all the conversations and crappy movies bean and i have enjoyed. i will miss lots and lots and lots. 

lots of things i miss about america will never again be reality - because people and situations change, develop, grow apart, move away. lots of my life here will never again happen - because i live in ostrava, czech republic. 

is life really just a constant cycle of contentment and discontenment, desire, dream, reality, disappointment and joy. i guess. but - if you are in america right now - know that i miss you deeeeeeply. and i will be back soon and plan on fulfilling all of the above dreams. 

invisible children and missing people

so... once upon a time in my life, i had learned how to become virtually emotionless. deciding that this was not the path i wanted my soul to take, i made decisions to become more human again - allow emotions, allow my heart to beat for passions i had lost, etc - invisible children, the rough cut, was the first thing i saw post-decision and the first time i realized i still had a heart for injustice - that was in 2006.

after a couple of months in ostrava, i noticed that there didn't seem to be many "causes" people could attach to - granted - i know a very small portion of the population and know even less of

 the language, so i really have a biased judgment of the culture - but, it felt very contrasted to orlando which was constantly flooded by cause after cause, injustices piled upon one another. orlando is goodwill for causes, of sorts - it's cool while it's trendy and some people will keep that plaid shirt forever, others will wear the shirt for a while, then  give it to thrift and move on to the next trendy injustice -- it's then up to you to sort through the racks and piles of causes and organizations, worn and left behind by others, try them on, see which one suits you, and leave with a greater purpose. i, myself have tried on caribbean poverty, human trafficking in thailand, feeding the homeless and more. i still don't know which i want to pursue. i think it's ok to take your time deciding. but - you shouldn't try on forever. the thing is, the more injustices you become aware of, the more apathetic you can become. there are just too many, there is just too little you can do, there isn't enough time or money, etc. OR you can embrace it - embrace one or 2 that make your heart go boom, boom, pow and then run with it - which is what invisible children is - an organization where 3 young men saw an injustice far bigger than themselves and far beyond their reach and they walked out with it on - and made and organization that is beautiful. i wanted to help bring that organization here. i wanted ostrava to have the chance to try on another cause and see if it fits. but - i am lazy and don't speak czech and didn't try too hard. luckily for me, tyna wanted to bring it here as well. her and her schoolmates decided this would be their project for a class - to put on a screening event. tyna heard i am a big fan of IC and asked if i wan

ted to help - yes, of course. 

my help included brainstorming with her, deciding to do the Rescue in our city and speaking for .2 at the events with a translator. she, the rockstar that she is, along with her friends pulled off several screenings over the course of 3 weeks or so - in high schools and cafes and began to spread the word about this injustice, that in my opinion, ostrava is hungry for. 

so the Rescue was on April 25 -- including a walk through the City Center and down streets to the Town Hall. We spent the evening writing letters to politicians, 

creating art, hanging out, hoping that ostrav-ites would wake up to the injustice happening in the world around them. about 80 people came out - which was beyond incredible. and about 10 of us stayed til dawn. 

so - here's some pics (taken by the one and only gina dimarcantonio)

... and that leads me to the next blog... 

well it's been a while

march. and april. march was spent 

---- visiting Prague twice - once with Bean and Mr. and Mrs. D and once with Bean for her birthday and then for the boys birthday that live there. Both those Prague experiences were way fun, because we got to stay actually in town, walking distance from all the best parts. 

---- cursing out the cold 

---- anticipating easter break which was the next big travel week for me and the week ben phillips would come. ben is one of the newest additions in sass world and one of the greatest causes of joy. 

so march ended. april came and brought with it blooming trees and gardens, green fields, better attitudes and the city of ostrava came to life. i had no idea so many people lived here :) beer gardens, parks, sandboxes and the city center are all bustling with new faces that had previously been locked up in hibernation.

easter came and brought my boyfriend. i showed him the city beautiful - praha, vien - the city of art and class and then we got to do budapest - the city of life. i feel like most cities i've been able to pinpoint certain things to it - budapest was different... it just felt alive, but no word or stereotype or classification suits it. maybe it's because it's spring or maybe it's because it's budapest. i'm not really sure. but the pubs and cafes and restaurants were good. the city was better seen on a bike. parliament and the palace were architecturally magnificent, as always. seeing friends from ESI was fantastic. the baths were large and fun. the night buses were lame.  proving that ben was real was exciting. we got to go on our first real date. we got to hold hands. we got to learn how to push each other's buttons. you know - all the standard relationship things. 

after that trip - ben came back with me here and got to see home-life - classes, students, friends, ostrava, etc. then back to prague so we could hang with his lifelong friend john and his wife and their friend. then he left. pics from all those shenanigans are above...

saalbach, austria

skiing was awesome. when telling others that you are going skiing, the first question is always "have you skied before?" of coooourse - you know - a whole 4 times in my 23 years of existence. and the last time i went was about 4 years ago, for one day, and snowboarding - not skiing. 

enter the sass going to saalbach w/ 9 others - 3 of which were my students, 6 of which were new friends. wednesday started w/ an 8am meeting at the bus stop, waiting for an hour for the bus, riding on the bus for a good 11 hours and then arrival at a nice little mountain hotel/ cabin/ type place. 7am wake-up and head to the slopes to ski. yipes!!!

i started the day in skis as tall as me - which means i started the day tumbling down the first run. there was no skiing and no restraint of the things that kept yelping from my mouth. in between giggles and pep-talks, i eventually made it down the mountain and we all decided that long skis were the worst idea ever for me, so at lunch i was able to switch to short skis. pheeew. the people i went with could not have been kinder, more gracious, more hospitable, etc. spalek and helena stayed w/ me for the better portion of the day bc spalek wanted to teach me to ski. which was amazing bc he speaks a total of 10 english words :) so helena would translate if needed - but mainly the communication was "push left, push right. good? yeah? let's go"

by the third day, i was a freakin champ - conquering a couple red slopes and all. my legs were shaking like it was no ones business - not out of fear - but out of sheer exhaustion. day 2 we skiied something like 40 km. that is a lot. even for a sass. but it was amazing. the first day we had beyond perfect weather, the 2nd day it was well below zero, w/ 20-50 km/hr winds and snow snow snow. to give the floridians an analogy - the first day was like wakeboarding on a beautiful, cloudless, sunny day in florida - where the lake is glass. day 2 - a hurricane is brewing and you decide it is way too choppy to go. but when you have paid for your ski day and you only have a few days to soak it in, you ski anyways - on the overly choppy surface, in the depths of the snow. fun fun fun. day 3 was cloudy - not as bad as 2, but nowhere near the weather of day 1 either. but still - delightful for sure.

most everyone i was w/ could speak english well and they would humor me about 30-40% of the time w/ english which was super nice. nights we would collapse into dinner, feel a little revived, hang out in the room and laugh and then sleep soundly until the next day of skiing. saturday we skiied and then headed back on the bus - arriving in ostrava at about 330am. it was absolutely fantastic. i loved being able to experience the alps and was so so glad i got to spend more time w/ my students and their friends. so kind. so amazing. 

for the 2 that love me and actually read this

february. where do i start with february. i don't even remember it. laura's birthday weekend was held at our flat. (that was jan though still). it consisted of turning our living room into a sleeping pad. celebrating the kid in her and the adult. who doesn't love a good weekend long slumber party w/ your closest compadres?

sarah got to come play from cheb. that was a nice weekend. good coffee. good talks.

spring break. was. eventful. 

i was supposed to travel w/ bazyn to belgium and meet up w/ bean and brittany for one night in bruges. laura caught the plague of death so she couldn't accompany me. that sent me into a terro

r of sorts. i tend to be one of your more independent individuals - but i hate being alone. haaate it. there is a difference between alone and independent. after complaining to bean about it and working through all my options, i decided not to change any flight, and to brave belgium alone. 

i got to go to a farmer's market and then a flea market where vintage dresses were a must-purchase, walked around in several loops that day, tried the necessary foods - waffles and french fries, drank the necessary beverage - beer - belgian and german beer are the best. but shhhhh - don't tell the cz that i said that. :) got handed some free chocolates "i want that 1..." "just 1?" "yes" "oh - just take it." THANK YOU VERY MUCH I WILL. thank you nice belgian chocolate shop worker :)

bruges is really cute - full of canals and side streets and the best chocolate. i had friends there for 18 hours which was way better. 

traveling alone is fine - but the whole time i was alone - i just kept thinking about how much better it is when you share it with someone. which is how most experiences are. your money, your time, your thoughts, your dreams, your expectations - all better when shared w/ someone. i am truly thankful for all the wonderful people in my life i have around to share my life with. after a night in bruges, i had to spend a good 12 hours getting from bruges to brussells to prague to ostrava, only to wake up the next day at 7am to go skiing in austria. ... ... ... .................

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