Mr. Bob, Scruffy and owner

Tesi Mr. Bob. On je muj kamarad. Bb je krasny a velky. On je stihly. Bob's pes kamarad je maly a neni skaredy. Jmenuje Scruffy. Scruffy je vesely pes a je szdravy. Jejich pan je vysoky a bohaty a vesely protoze ma rad por jeho pes.

mmhmm - i know all those words. i wrote a paragraph in cz. thank you thank you. mmhmm

it's late. i should sleep. i'm an adult now

sleeping is for wussies.

it has been a great week. a great week. one of my bffs at home has a new boyf - that's fun. the weather was kickin on monday and tuesday - like almost 50 degrees. i got new music from britt. simple art is awesome and my monday class is now meeting at a pub, which let's be honest, is way better than a stuffy office or classroom. and flawlessly, faith came up this week. it was fun to no pressure share part of my beliefs and hear student's opinions on why czechs don't generally have faith. and it left a ton of room for further discussion. and left room for me to learn more about what they think about God and higher powers and atheism, etc. this is the interesting stuff to me - stuff i couldn't get in southeastern, conservative, of-course-i-believe-so-i-don't-go-to-hell-United States. (i am not disregarding at all the hundreds of amazing people that have genuine faith there that i know). and it was the start of actual discussions w/ students that aren't so textbook and are more about becoming friends. yes friends.

and it's christmas in ostrava and lights are up on all the lightposts - snowflakes and bells and trees. and i've heard about cz christmas traditions. and i got an email from a student tonight thanking me for talking w/ him. yeah, man - you got it - simple to do. i know english. most of the time, it's not so difficult for me...

and alas, the weekend is one (eeeeaaarly) class and one meeting away. then 2 weeks. then austria. aaaah. smiles smiles smiles.

...

ok - now that the list is out of the way - let's talk about the fishnet thanksgiving retreat. each year fishnet takes students into the mountains to malonovice for the purpose of talking in english and teaching them about the american thanksgiving holiday. 

the weekend begins with hat making - indian vs pilgrim

 - if the pilgrims were smarter, they would've chosen to be indians -- bc we get to do rain dances and smoke peace pipes (granted - we were later shoved from our homes several times and were almost killed off.... but thanksgiving was a happy time for squanto and friends) any ways - make a hat - then all the silly get to know you games that are too funny for their own good. a decent meal. followed by a photo scavenger hunt - i was w/ very creative boys. up next is turkey bowling (or frozen chicken...) and american football. aaahh american football. for most american families - this is a huge holiday tradition. in my family growing up, i had to watch and keep score and the like while my brother, 8 cousins and several friends gathered in uncle dempsey and aunt jennifer's backyard for a football extravaganza. this time, not only was i playing... i was teaching. laura and i explained the game w/ a football that had a hole in it - so we had to keep airing it up - at 330pm - which is almost dark - as it started to sprinkle - so basically - perfect conditions for a rowdy, confusing game. we split into 2 teams and the czechs were super excited and desiring to get a tad too complicated w/ the plays - we helped them to simplify. they caught on pretty quickly - except for the two hand touch rule. they would two hand touch and stop and then keep running or pass the ball off to another team member (we explicitly told them they couldn't) or the defense would steal the ball, run for a touchdown, celebrate a touchdown until we had to gently yell that no one scored anything - 3rd down. 

needless to say, it was a delightful experience. i loved it. 

the other highlight of the weekend was by far the thanksgiving play where we give them scripts acting out the pilgrims leaving the netherworld, coming on the mayflower (drunk sailors on board included), landing in america (with pilgrims dying) and then celebrating w/ the indians and their peace pipe. it was amazing hearing them say things like "this

 whip cream is so light and fluffy! how did you get it like this?"   "oh, it's easy, i'll give you the recipe..."

all in all - it was a beautiful, fun-filled weekend on a mountain (the mountains always make me go "i LLIIIVE here. no way. i live in a magical land. bc it all looks like narnia")

pics to come soon on facebook - so check there. for now - here is one of the 2 amazing football teachers

no worries

my very sad day / annoying couple of weeks of weird emotions ... were followed by busy amazing times. for the sake of lists...

1. i have found caramel biscuits - you know - the delightful ones that they serve w/ coffee? yes - i can buy them in bulk. mmmmm. that face says "they really are that good"

2. all my

 lists about food make me sound like a fat kid. ha

3. i don't care

4. american football

5. two weekends in the mountains

6. IT SNOWED AND I SAW IT. it's been 10 years since i 

saw snow fall

7. i can wear my sweet slippers again

8. i have had 2 retreats and am soon departing on my next one - tomorrow actually

9. i'm trying to like tea more than i do... slowly but surely :)

10. i went running when it was like 44 degrees - which made me very much feel like i live here and little by little i will conquer my feelings of the cold. it was so monumental - i documented the evening w/ a pic... 

it happened

i miss home. something about poland spawned an evil missing of fashion. which spurred on into a complete desire for things american. gross. i wasn't supposed to miss anything for a year. bc i don't know. something about missing home makes it seem like i failed - -- i know that is irrational and dumb... but that is what feels real in this moment. and it's not failure. it's not like i've really missed anything yet... and it's not like i will continue to miss it forever. but this week i miss my family - both of them - and buying clothes and it being warm and eating food where i understand what they say to me and cloves and concerts with strongbow and life as it was. 

funny. emotions are funny. and annoying. more annoying than funny. so i miss you. all of you. and make it stop. a week of this is enough. can i go back to european bliss please?

poland = fall break

poland = girls with flawless fashion. 

cafes and pubs with good environments - the ambience, the products, the people, the photos.

town squares reeking of history and war havoc rebuilt. 

fall with leaves the brightest yellow you've ever seen. 

jewish quarters where it was hard to imagine them all being forced out, marching in lines, with clothes strewn on the street, babies being dragged behind them...

paulaner

chocolate for breakfast

cute hostels

walking and walking and walking

missing trains or trams bc they are on ghost tracks or you speak the wrong language

nightlife that you must hunt down. literally

maps that make sense

the best bookstore ever

at approximately 1220am... "5:53am. then i can snooze at least once" lights out. slumber. dreams dreams dreams. 

553am...alarm sound alarm sound alarm sound "no. boo. snooze" sleep sleep "snooze again. wait - snooze again means i miss my tram. when's the tram? 630. no 640. 640. it's 614. get up. 10 minutes to walk. get up. kvazar has good coffeeeeee. get up. this is stupid. it looks like midnight outside" get ready. walk walk walk "no, let's run now. i'm bored w/ walking. and i might miss my tram. that's no good." run run "i'm out of shape. i should walk. what are all these people doing up right now?" board tram "this hour of the day is stupid. look at all these people on a tram at 642am. that is stupid. oh well. good coffee is soon. as is POLAND"

those are pretty much my thoughts from this morning... in 2.5 hours - bean and i will head to POLAND! for fall break. 5 days of blissful travel and walks through the uber cold wroclaw and krakow. hostels, castles, new people, coffee shops. yay.

and another side note -- wednesdays forecast here - has clouds with rain AND SNOW. what?!?!?!

things around.

update

life in ostrava is maintaining its fast pace. you can always tell how full my calendar is by the appearance of my room. who has time to hang clothes when there are people to hang out with, lessons to plan, classes to teach and pubs to visit? let's be honest - who ever has time to hang up clothes when there is aaannything else to do?

last weekend, we cheered our little hearts out for the ostrava arrows baseball team. our cheering wasn't quite enough and draci defeated them in the final 2 games of the series giving them the title and the arrows a second place. saturday night, i had the weight of the world on me. you see -- i was the world. and bean was the moon. several americans and czechs gathered to celebrate the birth of our friend ash and adorned ourselves in ridiculous costumes - it was quite a treat. i'm glad that halloween is not going un-celebrated though we are far across the sea.

this coming weekend our friends from praha are coming and i am oh so excited. 

classes are going well. i had one cancelled yesterday and another cancelled this morning. se la vi. bible study on monday nights is kickin and refreshing. 

my biggest disappointment thus far has been that i have no youth classes. i really wanted to be able to teach high schoolers. re-visit it from the times i used to work w/ them and see how it felt to play a role of teacher to see if it was something i would want to do long-term in the future. but ta-daaa - i think i may just have something better. younglife is starting a new english club at a local gymnazium (which is high school here), so today at 2pm, i will help host/ coordinate that. some of the kids know about it and are super excited. and i'm excited bc i can play less teacher role and more just me role. we'll see how it goes. i'm feeling a little less than creative these days with ideas on how to make english fun at all times. but i'm way excited to meet more students and spend time with them. 

i would really appreciate it if someone in the states would send me chick-fil-a, the restaurant. other than that, no complaints for today :)

...

life is good. life is busy. right now my brain is tired at 1040pm. i am officially an adult. bc every night around the 10 o'clock hour i get so tired and feel like i should be invincible. i should ward off this feeling. i'm only 23. but alas. long, busy, intense thinking days produce tired. zzzzzzz

still allergic

I really sometimes think that I may be slightly allergic to this place. Last night as I said dobrou noc to my dear roomie, I tried to shut the door. And couldn't. It kept getting stuck on the rug. Open, half close, open, half close, rug stuck, open, rug stuck. Whatever - and walk away. Gina begs from her bed for me to come back so she doesn't have to arise out of the comfy zone. So I come back and tell the door to knock it off (no pun intended) - let me freaking shut you. Ne. Nothing. (note - this has never been an issue before) So I decide that maybe in our pillow fight from earlier when people were over, the door got adjusted and I needed to slightly lift it - I PROCEED TO LIFT IT COMPLETELY OFF THE HINGES. I am then holding a door. What?! Who rips a door off?? So yeah - that was a little bit hilarious. Then the door felt a tad heavy to lift back onto the hinges. My Hulk strength had apparently disappeared. Which made it funnier.

Don't worry - I got it back up and on the hinges and shut it successfully a few minutes later. But these standard, normal, easy things... should not be as difficult for me as they have been.

what's new

not too much. life is good. my main disappointment is that i don't have youth classes at all. but the adults are good and classes seem to get a little better each week. 

and now a current list

- obsessively eat yogurt and granola

- and kokos

- can't stop listening to bon iver. apparently it's a theme for this month

- i'm excited to get paid in 2 weeks

- i like the first coat i bought

- the weather has been awesome this weekend (bean and i went on a walk saturday and stumbled on a teeter-totter - that was a highlight for sure) 50 degrees and higher is so much more enjoyable now that i experienced 40 and raining. 

- i hung out w/ youth saturday at younglife. they are always refreshing. and i had 2 pretty stellar kickball catches - leaping over logs and almost dying and such. it felt nice

- we are going to try a new dance class this week. apparently mtv style - which should be interesting bc music choices here seem to suck. they are stuck 10-15 years behind us and enrique iglesias is alllllways in the background.

- jonah was an interesting character. glad i got to discuss him w/ bean today

- my room is finally in a decent feng shui -- for this week at least

- we have a washer that works. hallelujah

- praha has new art exhibits on the weekends - at least the 2 i have been there. amazing photos and such. i like that. art on the street free and available for all to enjoy - thank you, prague.

- ostrava is still feeling more like home everyday

- reign of fire is ridiculous

- the slide in our building is still fun

we shall see

so we've been here a tad over a month. thinking that there are only 10 of these to experience - i find it hard to believe i'll be done with this place by that time. my original and current commitment is a year. no intention or direction past that. 

there are things that make me want to be back home - weddings, nephews, relationships i've had for years, comfort of people knowing my language, more school, etc

there are things that make me want to be here - new relationships, new language, new coats and scarves, new dimensions of Jesus and disciplines i feel will take a very long time to implement, fun, more laughs than ever before, chocolate, traveling, etc etc

i just can't imagine that all 10 months would go by as fast as this first one and then i would think "yeah - that was enough". 

people told me they were proud that i came. i'm proud of myself too. i actually did it. i moved overseas. i am living the dream where i go to prague on weekends to visit friends and it's normal to walk around town without a huge tourist agenda. i ride in trains. i get bus tickets and use only a foreign language to do so. i look fairly normal on trams and buses. i go to class and students like that i speak english and am confident teaching it... 

but i've said several times - there is nothing else that makes sense - nothing. this is right now in my life. so there's not that much to be proud of. i'm just living.

i have nothing beyond me and nothing behind me. i have the present to embrace. but the future creeps closer each day and i don't know what to do w/ that thought/ concept... but currently - i feel like i will only establish and conquer a few things and it will take more than 1 year to feel satisfied with a european experience. we shall see

oh fail. fail fail fail

i am sweating. i went to billa to get a few things - apples, yogurt, chicken, sour patch equivalent - i stand in the long line to pay - pull out my card to pay - she gets annoyed - says something in czech - points to an overtly SMALL czech sign that apparently says cash only. yikes. so then they have to call the manager over to undo my purchases bc i have no cash today. awwwwwwkward. many people staring w / ugly looks. so then i go to another line - yeah - um card declined? my temp card i think is out of date as of today - so i say what i think to mean "never mind, sorry" as she calls the same manager over to do the same thing she just did for me at another line - more people staring - this is not a big place, people. so then i walk out. i can't go in there for a while now i'm sure. oh my head hurts. that was painful. 

i am americanka. i FAIL

blog schmog

what to say, what to say...

started reading the pursuit of God earlier this week. The beginning of it basically addresses the fact that the modern day church has cheapened God. We have taken away bits and pieces of His character and shoved Him into the box of His Word and programs - things that are tangible - and have forgotten to explore where His personality is in humanity and creation - the 2 things that at the beginning of time sustained people. Since they were created by Him, for Him and in His image, they displayed Him better than anything else could. 

Yet again I was reminded that while traveling, exploring, meeting, befriending, looking, walking, watching, etc, I am learning more about the God I have chosen to serve - that is exciting and precious. I'm excited to see how I and God develop further because of Europe and my travels around.

I had a fulltime week of teaching this week. 13 gymnazium classes, 4 business classes and 1 individual class at Fishnet. Lots of work, lots of time. It takes me a while to plan lessons and such and I pretty much just embrace the book currently. One day I'll be good at it and it won't own my life, but for now - I am learning and trying to be a good teacher, which means learning grammar and developing lessons, etc.

No big mess-ups this week, that was nice. Except the bugs that still try to claim our flat. They should leave, but they won't. Maybe since the lows this week will be in the 30s (farenheit), they will die. I hope they die. Oh - i did start a small fire in my trashcan today on accident. Oops. Be careful with matches, kids. Don't worry - no damage to myself, my flat, my roomie, etc.

We successfully operate our stove now. That's exciting. 

I don't buy milkas everyday. That is exciting and lame all at once. 

Our flat is clean after this morning.

We are getting to know new friends, Laura and Jonna, Ashley, Jesse. We finally met the illusive characters Luke, Luci and Nathan after much talk about them. 

Last night was one of the best Ostrava nights thus far. Movie night with Young Life followed by many hours of dancing at Stoldoni with all of our new friends. Dancing is lovely and fun and produces such immense amounts of joy. 

Tonight we go to a garden party at Adam's cottage w/ all the people we teach with. A scarf will definitely be necessary. It is cold outside!

And I would really really like to go to Krakow soooooon :)

apparently 2

when i move to europe...

1. i compulsively eat bebe's - from the light blue box. and chocolate. i've tried probably 7 kinds of milkas by now. i like 2 a  lot.

2. i ask my boss where the veyce is and leave him and 2 other czechs behind with gina while i go take care of business. i come back as the czechs are talking in their strange language where it all comes out as one word... gina tells me that i had asked where the egg was. to which i ask adam (boss) "what did i say?" he says "veyce" "well then what's toilet?" "vece" -- oh yes, of course - it's the same word. (not really - but it's like chip and ship or something retarded that a foreigner can't tell). i respond with massive giggles to the point of tears streaming down my face. there is nothing composed about me so my boss continues to play up the joke that i ran off looking for an egg instead of a bathroom in an asian czech restaurace and gina and i give up trying to look like the calm, composed americans and laugh.

3 . i teach grammar and make up rules. and then after i say the rule - i immediately realize how incorrect i was. thank goodness i was teaching fellow teachers and not students. bc just bc a word has a double-g does not mean that it always sounds like a "j" as in suggested - clearly johhing has a "g" sound - more giggles. (don't worry. i spent this whole morning teaching myself verb tenses. so fun)

4. i hike up the tallest mountain in the cz on my 2nd saturday here. and tumble down the mountain, break my shades, etc. quote "i'm gonna fall on my face. i can feel it" - gina

apparently - my mind said - "nah. i'll do that for her. oh oh oh." trip. overcompensate. barrel roll horizontally down a hill with jagged rocks. only a couple bruises. 25 kilometers straight up and down. i feel accomplished for such a big hike.

5. i kill birds that fly into our house. ok. it wasn't a bird - but it was a mosquito south american style. we screamed and i swear there were demon mosquitos all over me while killing it bc i immediately itched all over and inside of my pants. i killed that damn thing though. and screamed and giggled.

6. i am an actress while my boss tries out his "new idea". yeah. green screen and all. 

7. i don't know how to speak english well anymore. totally hard language.

8. i eat beets. ew. not as bad as i thought they would be

9. i drink espresso drinks bc drip coffee isn't sold in cafes

10. i wash my sheet to sleep with at night. not a problem in the states. 1.5 hours later - wash and dried. cz - big problem. washing takes forever and then you have to take it out - riiiing it out and then hang dry it. direct quote "oh i am an idiot"

11. i love life

12. i want to be quadlingual

apparently

i live in ostrava

(we got to come before our visas did. some quirks to work out... but mostly - we're fine for now. thank Jesus)

woohoooo!! i'm trying to think of the most lovely things to disclose -- bc there is so much to disclose - there are so many good things to tell... but i will tire of writing them - so let me pick a few. our flat is PHENOM. walked in to a little dust - ok - a lot of dust and a lot of white walls and a closet full of things - sheets, mason jars, etc. which are now all over our walls and floors and the flat is LOVELY even on the cute side of things. we have amazing views from all of our amazing windows. one of the greatest things about our complex is the slide we have at the bottom. once you walk down like 16 flights of stairs and out the exit leading to the bus stop - there are slides. i guess in real adult world - they are wheelchair ramps or something - but in gina/ lydia world they are delightful slides that spawn spurts and bursts of giggles.

shamrock (premeck) has been the kindest person ever in showing us around and speaking in english and teaching us the ways of ostrava. 

adam - our boss is a rockstar. truth. we went to a concert last night and enjoyed locals dancing, ostravar, and "funky, latina, ecstatic" music :) kulicky stesti. youtube it and love life and humanity bc of this  . the title of his band means "little bolt of happiness" which might be the greatest band name i have eeeeever heard.

everything we hear is delightful. everyone says they come with the intention to stay one year and stay more - the brit we met today came for one and has stayed 10 and married hanka - a czech woman. we'll see what happens. i fully intend to spend a delightful year here and could see me back here or back in the states. i have not been so joyful in so freaking long. i laugh harder than ever. all the time. allll the time.

i pray often thanking jesus for this city and for my life and for the experience that is happening and will continue to experience this year. i mean really - who else HAS to go to prague for business meetings? bc i do . my dad has to go to like lakeland. i have to go to prague :)

the things i heard and knew about czech before i came included that they were sad and oppressed - obviously - and lacking faith and hope. so my prayer all along has been that we will bring a hope and joy like they have never experienced and i completely feel joy welled up inside of me like crazy. i pray that it doesn't go away the whole time i am here. i believe God is big enough to sustain that. who says we have to fail just bc everything is so new? failing isn't always necessary. so you can pray that me and gina continue to giggle our way through problems and mess-ups. and that we continue to feel peace and joy and contentment. that's all for now. this is too long 

why isn't stuff weightless

last night slovakia left. tonight, hungary departs. 4 hours from now. i'm supposed to depart with bean in 24 hours. not happening. there is a lack of dedication to completing visa processes at the czech consulate in LA and i therefore will be living in cali for a bit. slightly disappointed. feeling fine about it if it's only a week or two. past that - terrifying thoughts of lots of emotional, mental, physical preparation falling sliding down the drain due to being in a weird state of limbo.

however - still have an overwhelming sense of peace and security - being aware that this is just a small thread in a much bigger story and picture. individual lives are really not that big of a deal in the scheme of things - so there is no need for worry and discouragement when the world turns in a way i didn't expect or desire. the world will turn regardless... so i'm just going w/ the rotation currently

no cracks

so me and gina like to play this game when walking (bc we walk everywhere here)... bc walking in itself can get a little old and boring - this game is called - don't step on the cracks... so basically, you just walk in a way so that you don't step on the sidewalk cracks. one step in each block, 2 steps, 3 steps, etc - each one is more intense in it's own way.

however - if you have to much energy... you will fail. which is what frank did. 2 step 2 step 2 step. fail. he burst onto the pavement - catapulted if you will - skidded - and jumped right back up. to which me and bean fell down with laughter. that was one of the high points of this weekend. (and in this post - i would like to shout out to twiggy, whom i love dearly)

3 weeks in and lovely

in 2 days, i will have been gone for 3 weeks. at first i was a little worried about coming to cali early, wondering if i would regret it and want more time in orlando -- nope - being with my sister and aidan and ben and co. (bc he has 84 roomates) was uber refreshing and fun. 

training started july 19 - on a saturday. our typical schedule is this... 730am - 930pm... breakfast, lunch and dinner, sessions on how to teach english, sessions on how to teach better in our region, sessions on how to cope with living overseas, sessions on language and culture, prep time to teach and then teaching each night to native non-english speakers. yes. very full days. very challenging. very long. very mentally focused. but very good.

i am more confident and content with my life than i have been in a long time. the people i'm going with are fun and full of big dreams and a mindset like mine. it's fun to be learning totally new things. it's fun to be challenged again. teaching is a blast and a good outlet to make language creative. 

i have no complaints. the language is ridiculous and hard, but also - fun. i am laughing to the point of tears almost daily.

pray for mental stamina and excitement to continue

today i don't live in orlando

said goodbye to lots of folks. missed out on saying goodbye to a few. filled w/ nausea and excitement and weirdness and contentment. but let's talk about getting me here yesterday... it was one of my more eventful flying days. i've discovered 2 things i really don't like to hear... wait - 3 things.

1. your plane is delayed due to inclement weather (underlying don't say it - so we'll board you 30 minutes late and then keep you on the runway for 45 minutes before you take off while you're in the middle seat, back row... then fly out an hour and a half late)

2. are you sure you're on this flight? (when you have 10 minutes to get on the flight bc you're last plane was so delayed that your hour and a half layover is now 20 minutes and you have to go into speed race mode to get to the other terminal) yes i'm sure... oooh - here you are

3. will you switch seats with me? it's my wife here. - where are you sitting? -- there - and my head shifts slowly to the left to see -DA-DA-DA a MIDDLE SEAT! nooooooooooo. so, i have a choice to be miserable for 6 hours or to be the bad guy - neither option looks good. 

but i found a perfect window seat with no one in the middle so me and some guy lived it up with space. 

us air was exciting to fly bc they have moooovies - but not if your earpiece on your chair doesn't work. so sleep and books - that's what you do.

and then my bag didn't make it. lame.

but i'm in san diego with my fidgety nephew currently. :) and all is well. training is in 4 days. and i'm ready to not be a floridian. life is good. 

la TI daa

i'm 23. i felt uber celebrated this year... thanks to those who came and surprised and planned and talked and drank and danced with me saturday. and thanks to all who bowled. and thanks for helping me ring in a new year.

i have no belongings left in orlando - they are all in piles in jax - and are kind of stressing me out. people are asking how i feel, etc... i feel emotionally ready. physical elements of packing and having the proper sized luggage and saying goodbye to people, etc - that's where i'm not so sure that i'm ready.

i'm much closer to raising support thanks to my sister. that was maybe the biggest relief and confirmation of the semester. 

i bought my flight to cali - i leave in 12 days. no way is this real. i feel pretty calm. and i'm enjoying my family and my amazing nephew and laughing uncontrollably and praying my car sells for $5000 - HA- miracles can happen, right?

hm. still going

todaaaay- i got shafted bc i'm moving to europe. that's a weird thing... for someone to get to know me less bc of my decision to leave america. funny thing - it didn't at all make me want to stay in america- it made me want to leave tomorrow rather than 3 weeks from tomorrow. se la vi.

 i went to jax this weekend and it was full of laughs and memories and convos and the beach and eating and stories... and at the end of the day - i still felt closure. a sense of wanting to leave what is in my life now and explore what lies ahead - which is much more than my mind and comprehension knows. 

i close doors i can and open ones i can, but i like that God still throws in curve balls, even 3 weeks before departure, that just wreck my little mind and cause me to remember that He is in control and He is writing my story and however lame i feel it is... it is.

soooooo all this (all this vague talk) leads me to a few points... 

1. i don't like mandates and i will do all i can to switch them. if  life circumstances end up a certain way - fine, but don't give me a mandate on how you think they should end up before trying them (foooor example. we are not allowed to "date" outside of our culture within the cz. totally fine. i probably wouldn't in the first place - however, my 23 year old reaction is "i do what i want. don't teellll meeee i can't date. i chooooose not to. you don't tell me not to date". and yes, i will follow the mandate bc of a contract, but my attitude toward it is sketch). same thing with choices those have made around me. i don't like them, don't necessarily agree (however right they may be), so i may... just may... spend 3 weeks trying to change them.

2. i'm a big fan of risk. which i learned today- most people are not. they sided with - well, not me. their side included - protection, safety, lack of emotional tie, etc... blah blah blah. you learn from the challenges and negativity and poor choices in life. i've learned a whole damn lot about life from the bad choices i've made and the hard ones. and while good choices and wise choices may be easier and i'm sure full of intelligence and lessons learned, however, they are certainly not as fun.

3. get me out of orlando

4. risk is worth it

5. respect and selfless love is something i still need to work on

6. sometimes i can't escape the rash thoughts of a girl

tomorrow the sun will shine. tonight. it's kind of dull

ask and ye shall receive?

that's what i've heard at least... let's talk about this concept of "ask" for a minute. i don't like it. not one bit. i would rather be self-supportive and self-sufficient and independent and every word that describes what it takes to make it alone. bc i feel then, like i'm not burdening others or living off of what others make, earn, hear, are taught... and i feel a sense of accomplishment... and a sense of revelation - ie - if i learn on my own or do it on my own, i'm the only one to credit or to blame for praise or failure - either end of the spectrum. and i like to know i can think for myself. 

however, Christ lived and taught differently. therefore, i'm trying to embrace the fact that i actually need $8000 more dollars after 100 "asking" letters have already gone out and am asking more and again and asking friends and family and strangers to help me go to do what God has called me to do. bc that's what the church is for, right? so if i say that i believe in the church that began in acts, then i'm saying that i believe in supporting the needs of my brothers and sisters and trust that they believe the same thing. 

so just so i'm aware and you're aware and we're all aware here. thanks for letting me ask you to support me. thanks for supporting me. it's a big deal for me to ask. i don't like it. 

a year and a half ago, i had to ask my parents for forgiveness. that conversation took me 2 months to work up the courage to have. last spring and summer i had to learn how to have conversations surrounding conflict and since "learning" basics of what conflict is and why it exists (which are thoughts for another conversation), i have had to had several confrontational chats ever since. and so now i feel this conversation of me asking for money from people is another point on the growing up triangle or hexagon or octagon that i am forming in my life and i am not taking it lightly that alot of issues i have with asking stem from pride and an overly independent nature. 

so - you may have been asked personally or semi-personally or maybe through a friend. and please consider my ask with thought and prayer and diligence. it's for the greater good of humankind that i am going... bc not going would be going against myself, my faith, my passion, my friend.

people keep asking how i feel about leaving in a month.... i feel READY

not terrified

the whirlwind has begun

may 15-17 see brother and kelly

may 17-21 meet aidan, see sister and vern

may 22 work my arse off

may 23-27 go to tennessee and the ham to see old friends and watch some get married

june finish work

july 1-9 fam vaca

july 14 peace out, o-town

yeah - weird huh. i am now balancing living very present, with not forgetting the things i've learned and built in the past with preparing my heart and mind for the future (and bank acct - which is empty. i shamelessly plug i still need $9000). so ta-daaa. here we go. i feel like it's time to say we're not in kansas anymore (a quote i can't rightfully use- i've never even watched wizard of oz). i couldn't be more ready to put my tender heart in a blender, watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion. rendezvous. 

that's what these next 2 months are. moment after moment of rendezvous. god bless my friends and family. i'm soaking you up as best i can.

terrified

geeenerally, if you talked to me about moving, the general discussion would display a general feeling of excitement, the facts about me going and me smiling ear to ear.
tonight i'm terrified. i have $1,000 of $10,000 raised, our country is in recession and people feel less inclined to spend money on everything, let alone support for me.
i have 2 months left here and am still wondering what the delicate balance is between living present here and preparing for the future.
i had a few people very important to me last week express kind of their "un-support" asking if me not having money was a sign from God i wasn't supposed to go.
which leads me to stress and terror in the sense that i haven't really felt in i don't know how long. i don't think anyone meant to lead my insides to a place of fear, but, alas, i am human.

this is where my life has led. my desires to travel, learn God, learn people, search out my dreams and passions more. and at status tonight, i had to remember that there have been lillies for thousands of years and i'll make it just fine.

however, i am still terrified. there is lots of work to finish, places to go, conversations to have, things to accomplish i guess.

so there's that... there's that. tomorrow i'm sure my emotions will be back to normal-ish. but i thought i'd share a little that this trip also is not just the most energizing, life-impacting, severe, exciting decision i've made... it's also very much real and very much scary.

It has begun

A blog. So you can keep up with me. And I can keep up with me. My journey has started. Here's the plan... Go to the Czech. See where it takes me, end up cold, and learning, and excited, with more direction, better stories to tell, new friends, and some new scarves. Hating that I'm far from Chick-fil-a and loving I don't have to drive a car around. Being lost a lot. And frantically learning Czech as a result of my poor use of maps and frustration with not being able to read signs. And I expect to know Jesus better and much differently than I do. And Gina. And myself.

See. Exciting huh. And that's not even touching the surface...