ask and ye shall receive?

that's what i've heard at least... let's talk about this concept of "ask" for a minute. i don't like it. not one bit. i would rather be self-supportive and self-sufficient and independent and every word that describes what it takes to make it alone. bc i feel then, like i'm not burdening others or living off of what others make, earn, hear, are taught... and i feel a sense of accomplishment... and a sense of revelation - ie - if i learn on my own or do it on my own, i'm the only one to credit or to blame for praise or failure - either end of the spectrum. and i like to know i can think for myself. 

however, Christ lived and taught differently. therefore, i'm trying to embrace the fact that i actually need $8000 more dollars after 100 "asking" letters have already gone out and am asking more and again and asking friends and family and strangers to help me go to do what God has called me to do. bc that's what the church is for, right? so if i say that i believe in the church that began in acts, then i'm saying that i believe in supporting the needs of my brothers and sisters and trust that they believe the same thing. 

so just so i'm aware and you're aware and we're all aware here. thanks for letting me ask you to support me. thanks for supporting me. it's a big deal for me to ask. i don't like it. 

a year and a half ago, i had to ask my parents for forgiveness. that conversation took me 2 months to work up the courage to have. last spring and summer i had to learn how to have conversations surrounding conflict and since "learning" basics of what conflict is and why it exists (which are thoughts for another conversation), i have had to had several confrontational chats ever since. and so now i feel this conversation of me asking for money from people is another point on the growing up triangle or hexagon or octagon that i am forming in my life and i am not taking it lightly that alot of issues i have with asking stem from pride and an overly independent nature. 

so - you may have been asked personally or semi-personally or maybe through a friend. and please consider my ask with thought and prayer and diligence. it's for the greater good of humankind that i am going... bc not going would be going against myself, my faith, my passion, my friend.

people keep asking how i feel about leaving in a month.... i feel READY